By Akshay Kumar August 13, 2009
Beijing: A recent article posted on Chinese website of International Institute for Strategic Studies, detailed a roadmap for breaking up India. The write up says, “To split India, China can bring into its fold countries like Pakistan, Nepal and Bhutan, support Ulfa in attaining its goal for Assam’s independence, back aspirations of Indian nationalities like Tamils and Nagas, encourage Bangladesh to give a push to the independence of West Bengal and lastly recover the 90,000 sq km territory in southern Tibet”.
The general agreement is that China’s move comes as a reaction to the fascinatingly terrible movie Chandni Chowk to China, that was partly made in and probably also released in China.
Super Ugh movie Chandni Chowk to China is widely accredited for China’s outrage against India
This has made all the followers of traditional Indian culture extremely happy. One extremely dumb follower said “We have always encouraged the world to follow India’s teaching. Today, China finally agreed to our intellectual supremacy. We have always said that the four methods of getting things done are ‘Saam, Daam, Dand and Bhed’ (To convince, to buy off, to punish or to divide). China had tried Saam with its diplomacy, Dand with its war in ’62, Daam with all its dirt cheap products everywhere and now with this break-India suggestion they have also agreed to Bhed. It is truly a golden moment for Indian classical think tank”
The Indian philosophy of getting things done
Citizens were however not happy with the chocolate covered soft stance Indian Foreign Ministry has taken on the issue. Indian Foreign Ministry has asked China to express opinions “after careful judgments based on the long-term interests of building a stable relationship”. ‘Stable relationship!!’ exclaimed one of our reader ‘do these people have any semblance of a spine? Shouldn’t they be really angry? It almost sounds like he is asking the Chinese minister out for a date!! ’
This observation might be astute since foreign minister S.M. Krishna is known to be horny at times. He usually outsources the work needed under such situations.
S.M. Krishna looks on as his assistant does his job
We interviewed the soul of Sardar Vallabh Bhai Patel, the man responsible for uniting the 537 states of India after the British left, under one sovereign country that we know today. “I am obviously extremely angry. I worked so hard to bring all these states under one rule and now not only are they fighting amongst each other over things like water and jobs but China has the audacity to say that we should be broken up again. If I was alive today, I would have personally seen to it that we gave them a befitting reply, not this softcore romantic poem about stable relationships. I am livid, enraged, furious and fast!” It is because of strong stances like this, Sardar Patel was known as the Iron Man of India.
Sardar Patel was known as the Iron Man of India because of his strong stances
Of course, all these sentiments are not shared by Raj Thackeray, who believes Maharashtra should be its own country and wants residents of other states to apply for a Visa to come there.
Raj Thackeray loves dogs, but not residents of other Indian states
We tried to contact Akshay Kumar to ask him how he feels about the fact that his movie has caused diplomatic outrage from China but he was busy shooting his 537th movie with Katrina Kaif.
Now I dont wonder SM Krishna's stand on Sec 377
ReplyDeleteHey keep posting such good and meaningful articles.
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