Ashutosh Gowarikar credited with ending Multiplexes vs. Industry war

By Gauri Gaunquee July 7, 2009
Crimes News Network.

Mumbai: In a shocking revelations to COI, an industry insider revealed that Ashutosh Gowarikar, director of films like Lagaan and Jodha-Akbar, is being widely held responsible for ending the >2 month long multiplex-industry war.

“The entire film industry was enjoying the strike, we seldom get vacations and were enjoying our time off by doing elaborate award functions. However Ashutosh ruined all of that with his caustic remarks against darlings of industry. We could bear no more speeches by him at awards and rushed to compromise with the multiplexes”.

An extensive survey by COI revealed that our source is not the only one who cannot bear speeches by Ashutosh. We asked 37 Million people associated with bollywood if they can stand Ashu and here are the results.

Pie chart indicating everyone who can tolerate Ashutosh Gowarikar

Ashu started his career as an actor, making his debut in 1984 in director Ketan Mehta's movie, Holi. After that, he acted in several television serials, including Kachchi Dhoop Circus, C.I.D. and several films, including Naam, Chamatkar, and Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa. His foray into direction was immensely successful with period flick Lagaan and he garnered critical and popular acclaim for Swadesh and Jodha Akbar. It was then that he went insane.

Ashu first got the nickname ‘MNS of Bollywood’ when he attacked the verbose host and dost Sajid Khan and made him toast at Star Screen Awards. He then went on to insult Priyanka Chopra at IIFA by declaring publicly that it was Aishwarya who deserved the best actress award, ironically forgetting that he himself has cast Priyanka over Aishwarya in his performance oriented flick “Whats your rashee?”.

Ashu going berserk at both Sajid and Priyanka. Notice how we used the same picture and just flipped it over.

When we asked Shahrukh Khan, who has acted in Swadesh, to comment, he treated us nicely as usual. “You guys are awesome. But Ashu is slightly mad. I had told him that if I run in my films, they turn out to be big hits. I ran in Karan-Arjun and it was a hit, I ran in Koyla and it was a hit, but he just refused to let me run. I knew then that he was slightly cuckoo. After that, I even ran in Chak De India, and look it is also a hit. Heck, even Kolkata Knight Riders started winning when I ran away from South Africa.

Both Sajid and Farah Khan were busy hosting 94 shows in total on tv and were not available to comment. In-Credible composer and pathological rhymer Anu Malik expressed his support to Ashu in his style:

Zamana kya samajhega teri kahaani
Jab sunaega tu isko apni jubaani
Ye humne hi pehchani hai teri khoobi
Award speech ho ya 4 ghante ki movie
Utha le talwaar, Chilla tu yalgaar
Speech de aisi, baar baar, baar baar

CNN correspondent ran away from there before she had to listen to any more of this cr@p.

We asked Amir Khan, the lead actor of Lagaan, about his thoughts but he just said award functions are stupid and anything that goes on there does not deserve much attention. When asked that why it is then that he was heavily involved in publicizing Lagaan during Oscar nomination phase and had left no stone unturned to ensure that his movie got attention, he feigned short term memory loss.